Nothing that morning had prepared me for being brought within an inch of my life by a dragon made out of a wizard's bed. Actually, nothing could have prepared me for that in any case, it certainly seems outlandish on the face of it. But then, everything that day felt a little strange.
I should start with an introduction. My name is Almaeron Sianna. I lived my adolescent century amongst my fellow elves in Sidheryn, the forest of peace. Of course, peace in a forest actually involves a fair amount of fighting for your life, it's part of living so close to nature. My elder sisters had in their own time become tired of normal fighting for your life, and decided to move on to grander fights for their lives and left the forest. Nawen went first, and a decade later Belia followed her. I was the last child left behind, too young at a mere 90 years to accompany her. But the wanderlust had already taken hold of me, and as soon as I was able to get out from under my parents' shadow I took it. The only memento I have of that life is an emerald necklace my mother gave me as a parting gift.
Ever since then I have been wandering the wider world, hoping to find some hint of my sisters' precense, but it is a big world, and I've only been at this five years. I've recently fallen in with a rather odd group, doing odd jobs for coin around the countryside. It takes the edge off the boredom at least. We were just traveling to the next town after completing a job culling the elk population in the neighboring human governed county. Seems human farmers are a little overzealous in killing off the predators that will take their livestock, and the sudden downfall in griffin population the previous summer had lead to a boom in the elk. In order to keep the tree lines that separate their farmlands from being stripped to the bark we set about slaughtering several dozen elk and selling the bodies for a decent sum plus the bounty.
Of course, when you travel with a goliath who goes by the name Willbreaker, you soon want to move on to larger things than elk. Roni, the sorcerer and most forceful personality of our little group, had decided we should head to a small village called Marclesfield. Something about a powerful wizard in the area who was sure to have work for us. Or maybe she had just gotten a lead on more of her dragon-worshiping cult being in the area. The final member of our party, Axton, has always been Roni's most loyal supporter, and with Willbreaker getting bored with elk I would have been outvoted even if I hadn't felt like a change of scenery.
It was a bright sunny morning when we reached Marclesfield. The sky was a clear blue and a gentle breeze greeted us as we followed the road out of the woods towards the town. Just as we reached the gate however we were stopped short by a startled shout from Roni accompanied by the entirely unexpected bleating of a sheep.
"Stop that!" Roni yelled. "You'll ruin my dress!"
A strange looking sheep, all white curly hair and large curled horns on its head, was butting its head against Roni's leg. It seemed to have a piece of parchment in its mouth.
"I think he wants you to take that parchment," Axton said, clanking in his chainmail as he turned to look at the commotion.
"Why would I want to take something from a sheep?" Roni asked plaintively. "Fine, fine, I'll take a look." The sorcerous half-orc gingerly took the parchment from the sheep's mouth. "Looks like the seal is a mage's seal," she reported as she examined the scroll. "Let's see. Ah, it's a scroll of Speak with Animals. How strange that a sheep should bring this to me. Well, let's be off."
"Don't you want to read the scroll?" Willbreaker asked. "I'm curious now."
"Illirian," Roni said in exasperation. She always refused to call Willbreaker by his nickname. "Fine! Fine. I was hoping to get a nice room at the local tavern after all these days on that dusty road, but I suppose we have to talk to a sheep first." With obvious reluctance, Roni read off the spell contained in the scroll, and the parchment promptly turned to dust.
"Bloody finally!" we all heard the sheep say. Well, I say we heard it, but what we heard was more bleating and baahing. But somehow we knew what it was saying. "How much persuading can it take! But you are my only hope, you have the strongest magical signature in the area that isn't affiliated with my foe."
"Uh, excuse me mister sheep," Willbreaker interjected. "What is going on?"
"I am not a sheep!" bleated the sheep. "I am a powerful wizard!"
"I thought the wizard in town was Nook," I said. "I'm pretty sure that's what we heard back in Springfield."
"Nook is my apprentice," the sheep huffed. "Two years ago he found my wand of True Polymorph and ambushed me in my sleep. The next thing I knew I was a sheep. He's kept me locked up for two years! I finally made my escape this morning when one of his servants left a door open. I grabbed that scroll and sought out the highest magical power I could find." The sheep looked at Roni. "That was you."
"Well, I am pretty great," Roni agreed.
"You couldn't ask for a better sorcerer!" Axton said, backing her up.
"Do you want us to sneak in and get that wand for you then?" I asked.
"Yes! I don't care about Nook, I just want to return to my normal form! Although I do seem to have stumbled on a strange group, a pair of half-orcs, a goliath and an elf..." The sheep added the last in a thoughtful tone of voice. "But I need the help of outsiders, Nook has too much influence over the city guard by this point."
"Do you have any information that we could use as a bargaining tool against Nook?" Willbreaker inquired. "Some dirt or blackmail that might help?"
"The only thing I know if that he used to wet the bed. Before he assaulted me in my home he was a model apprentice," the sheep explained.
"Ah, a bedwetter, I'll remember that," the goliath said, taking mental note.
"That sheep belongs to Mr. Nook!" a voice bellowed from the direction of the town gates. We turned and saw a burly half-orc with a giant sword strapped to his back making his way towards us. Three wolves with silver collars trotted ahead of him, while a tall, robed figure walked behind.
"I believe this is my sheep," Roni said indignantly, as the sheep hid behind her with a panicked bleat. "I don't see why I should hand him over to anybody else."
"Look, I'm being paid to bring that sheep back to Mr. Nook, and I'll have it one way or another," the half-orc declared threateningly.
"Are you threatening the great Roni?" Axton asked in a dangerous voice. "Nobody threatens my ward and gets away with it!"
"Are you looking for a fight?" Willbreaker asked, a sudden excitement in his voice.
"As a matter of fact, I'd be more than happy to let off some steam," the half-orc declared, "I'll have that sheep whether you're alive or not, and I'd as soon kill you I think. Get them!" At the last shout, the wolves bounded towards us while the half-orc drew his weapon.
Before I could move one of the wolves was on me, grabbing my leg in its teeth and pulling hard, causing me to topple over on my back with a surprised yelp. A moment later, Willbreaker's massive form was over me, swinging his glowing sword at the wolf, which let go of my leg and dodged to the side. Undeterred, Willbreaker managed an impressive backflip and brought his leg up under the wolf, launching the poor creature into the air with the sound of breaking ribs. The wolf landed behind Willbreaker and lay still.
I scrambled to my feet, pulling my longbow as I did and managing to loose an arrow at one of the other oncoming wolves before a bolt of fire from Roni's fingers silenced it for me. I saw Axton going toe to toe with the half-orc out of the corner of my eye, the remaining wolf nipping at his heels as Willbreaker moved in to assist.
With a roar, the cloaked figure threw off its hood, revealing a massive bear standing on its rear legs. "What circus did this lot come from?" I wondered aloud. The bear plowed into Axton, swinging its paws and biting hard into his shoulder, but once again Willbreaker was able to get his knee into the bear's stomach and drive it off our paladin friend.
Using the bear as a distraction, Roni and I focused our attacks on the half-orc himself. Roni hurled an orb that exploded into a rain of acid, burning the man with the caustic substance, while I loosed another arrow at his back. As my arrow struck home I snapped my fingers, unleashing the magic I had tethered to the arrow and causing a mass of shadows to writhe around the half-orc's head, momentarily blinding him. Willbreaker took advantage of the distraction to drive his sword into the half-orcs gut, and he fell over.
At the same moment, Axton managed to dance around behind the bear and with a powerful thrust slammed his sword to its hilt in the bear's backside. With a cry of pain the bear slumped to the ground and did not move. The final wolf made a bolt for it, so I moved to retrieve my arrows. As I did so Roni hurled another ray of frost at the fleeing wolf, killing it instantly.
"Well, that was efficient," the sheep said, coming out from its hiding place behind Roni.
"Heh, he worked for a bedwetter," Willbreaker chuckled to himself as he cleaned his sword on a cloth from his pack.
"Indeed," the sheep said. "This speak with animals spell will not last forever, will you help me?"
"Well, normally I prefer we get paid up front," Willbreaker said. "But just this once I'll let that go."
"We will get paid if we help you, right?" Roni asked.
"I certainly can reward you once I can access my home with opposable thumbs again," the sheep said.
"How about we keep that wand of polymorph?" Roni suggested. "That sounds like fun."
"Uh, sure, it lead me to nothing but trouble so I have no use for it," the sheep said hesitantly.
"Deal then!" Roni declared. Willbreaker held his hand out to shake, but withdrew it when he remembered we were speaking to a sheep.
"Follow me then," the sheep said. "My tower, which Nook has usurped, is about a mile from here. It shouldn't take long for us to get there."
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The tower turned out to be more of a tree house. Three large oaks had been magically encouraged to grow and entwine their branches, and the wizard had set up three platforms with ramps leading between them. The smaller platform was also the highest, and we could not make out what was on it. The largest middle platform was a well built circular building with regular windows set into the curving walls, while the third platform served as a sort of foyer, leading into the middle structure. Two small huts had been built at the base of the trees, and a small outhouse.
Three hairy apes were standing near the entrance ramp. One leaned against the tree and seemed to be asleep while the other two threw fuzzy dice in the air and shrieked in excitement when they landed.
"Ooh, dice games!" Roni said. "Let's go check it out!"
"I'm in for some dice games," Axton agreed, striding toward the apes. With a shrug Willbreaker followed along after them.
"Well, I'll stay back here, for when this inevitably goes sour," I said to the sheep. The magic had long since worn off and we could no longer understand him, but I assumed his bahing at my statement was agreement.
I watched as my three companions approached the hollering apes, and Roni said something. Immediately the apes ceased tossing their dice around and drew wicked looking blades. One of them nudged the third ape awake with a foot, then charged my friends, bringing its sword down across Roni's shoulder.
With a curse I pulled out my bow. My companions were already engaging the apes as Roni backed away bleeding, so I sighted in on the central ape and loosed another arrow. As my aim proved true once again, I twisted my fingers around the invisible magical tether leading to my arrowhead and the arrow exploded, sending shrapnel and a shockwave through all three apes. The first two apes went down swiftly as Willbreaker and Axton hacked at them, but the third backed away from them.
A moment later there was a massive roar and a crash as a bear broke through the outhouse wall and slammed its claws into Roni's back. It obviously was not shaping up to be her day. An undignified shout caught my attention as a man in a robe appeared on the open first platform of the tree-tower.
"What's all this then? Intruders?" The man waved his hands. "You'll learn not to mess with the great wizard Nook!" As he finished his sentence the bear that Axton and Willbreaker were fighting doubled in size, its roar shaking the outhouse frame.
In response to this, I shot the man with an arrow. Look, I'm not good at social situations.
While my friends continued fighting the bear, Nook began hurling spells at me. Let me tell you, it hurts being on the receiving end of a ray of frost. Before I could loose another arrow in retaliation, the bear gave a last roar and toppled over dead, shrinking back to its normal size. The wizard gave a yelp and disappeared back into the building above him, and I stood, freezing and exhausted with my blood spattered friends. None of us looked particularly great.
"We should probably get after him," Axton said, looking up into the trees. The wizard-sheep seemed to agree, running past us and up into the treehouse. We followed him.
At the top of the second ramp, a door opened into a large, cluttered room. Books filled shelves that lined the walls, although they seemed to be shelved haphazardly. Papers were strewn about a desk along one side, and a small table in the middle of the room was also covered in envelopes.
Axton glanced around and began to walk toward the only other door in the room only for the door to explode towards him as a massive creature surged through it. Bits of door flew towards us.
The creature looked like a dragon, though it was made of wood. Its wings were white linen, as though of bedsheets. In fact, the were bedsheets. Had Nook transformed his bed? The wizard sat astride the twelve foot tall monstrosity, laughing as it roared with the sound of grinding wood.
"Is your bed angry because you wet it again?" Willbreaker called out. I had to give him credit for being persistent.
"What are you, what? No!" The wizard shouted. "Gah, I'll teach you to make fun of me!" Nook gestured and I felt a wave of magical pressure wash over me, but I forced my way through it. Looking around I saw my companions were moving appreciably slower. Great. I knocked an arrow and loosed it into Nook's shoulder and the wizard screamed in pain, losing his focus on the spell slowing my friends.
Willbreaker immediately leapt off the floor directly over the bed-dragon's head and tackled Nook from its back. Roni blasted the dragon with a bolt of fire, and it retaliated by opening its mouth and spewing a cloud of splinters at us. I leapt to the side but cried in pain as splinters lacerated my legs. Axton was less lucky, bleeding from his arms and neck where the splinters landed, but he swung his sword anyway, working to hack the wooden monster apart.
"Just give us the wand," we heard Willbreaker shout from behind the dragon, followed by the sound of his fist smashing into the wizard's face. The dragon gave a jerk and reverted to a bed.
"No! It's my wand!" Nook cried. Roni ran over to him and attempted to pull the wand from the wizard's hand but he held on tight. He waved the wand menacingly, and then gasped with alarm when the wand sparked. Willbreaker found himself grasping a slimy amorphous blog covered in mouths. Axton appeared at Roni's side and placed his boot on the blob's tentacle before prying the wand from its grip.
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| A Gibbering Mouther. Image from D&D Beyond and the 5th Edition Monster Manual. |
The paladin handed the wand to Roni, who looked it over. She pointed it at the excited looking sheep in the doorway and gestured with it... and with a puff of smoke the wand disintegrated. Looking back at the sheep I was just in time to see it keel over and stop moving.
"Oops," Roni said.
"Well," I muttered, "this job's gone well. Lets at least put this creature out of its misery."
We all stood around the gibbering monstrosity, stabbing and kicking it until it stopped moving.
"So we own a treehouse now, I guess," Roni said.
"We can call this a qualified success," I agreed. "Can we find anything to pay ourselves with?"
"Well, I'm not sleeping in the bedwetter's bed," Willbreaker declared.
"We should clean up in here," Axton said, heaving the dead sheep out the door.
"That's perfectly good mutton there!" I protested.
"This is not how I thought my day was going to go," Roni said as we began picking up the mess from the fight. "Still. All's well that ends well, right?"
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